How to Take Your Strength-and-Health Do-Over!

Power is not just personal and political; it's also physical. I feel my strongest after a good pilates reformer session. As pilates teacher Amanda Vernor likes to say, "You can be nimble and strong at any age." But the truth is, it gets more challenging to retain muscle mass and physical agility as we age. The day I read about how much muscle mass women lose after turning 40 was the day I hustled my butt into the pilates studio. I wish I had done it 20 years earlier.

Amanda runs Somaspace, a small Pilates studio in south Austin. The one-room studio is sunny, private, and quiet. The structure itself was built in the style of a chapel and features two gorgeous stained-glass windows. In that easygoing atmosphere, Amanda helps clients improve their strength, stamina, and flexibility so that they can move more easily in everyday situations. It's pilates, but she also draws on her experience with yoga and dance.

I asked Amanda for her Top Four Tips for women over 40 who are looking to do a strength-and-health Do-Over! Here's what she shared:

1.  Take stock of your body. Make note of old injuries that still give you trouble, as well as aches and pains that linger after activity. Rehab and strengthen those areas with the help of a trainer.

2.  Increase your strength.  A well-rounded training program will show you how to build, and then recruit, your core strength. In time, the body's joints and muscles will realign and reconnect with your core muscles. You'll gain a stable, fluid, and strong body.

3.  Check your bone density. If you are at risk for osteoporosis, find a trainer who can help you increase the activity of osteoblasts (cells that build bones).

4.  Stretch. A moderately flexible body is not only easier to move around in, it also makes you look taller, more graceful, and, dare I say, younger!

Just a quick note to let you know that there's one seat left in this Thursday evening's Flying Solo coaching group for women solopreneurs. We'd love to have you join our intimate circle of enterprising women, where we help each other to envision, clarify, and achieve. Just because we're working solo doesn't mean we have to do it alone! We'll be meeting 6-9pm at my Hyde Park home. $99. Click here to register.

What This Solopreneur Learned from Martha Stewart

As a solopreneur and as coach to an increasing number of fellow solopreneurs, I'm always on the lookout for good advice on keeping focused and effective. I've learned the hard way that only laser-like focus gets results. And that means making difficult strategic choices about tip-top priorities. As Stephen R. Covey wrote in The 8th Habit:

To achieve results with excellence, you must focus on a few wildly important goals and set aside the merely important. Since human beings are wired to do only one thing at a time with excellence (or at best just a few), we must learn to narrow our focus. The reality is, far too many of us try to do far too many things. Like an air traffic controller, we need to learn to land one plane at a time--to do fewer things with excellence rather than many with mediocrity (p. 283).

Here's an even more complete framework I found in The Martha Rules by Martha Stewart. She understands the full complexity of what the solopreneur is facing. We don't have to just focus; we also have to look wide and far. Here's how Martha describes her triple-technique for entrepreneurial clarity:

First, you need a microscope to focus on the fine details. Second, you need a wide-angle lens to evaluate the environment (market, competitors, social/political trends, etc.). Third, you need a telescope to keep your eyes on the long-term prize down the road and the strategic plan that will get you there.

PS--I'm starting a new coaching group for women solopreneurs. "Flying Solo" will meet on the first Thursday of each month in my home. It's an intimate circle of enterprising women who are determined to succeed. We'll share wisdom about strategy, planning, productivity, and more. Click here for details.

Where to Find Ann Daly . . . in August

I'll be preparing for a new coaching group, debuting a career column, and speaking about gender issues in the workplace

ONLINE
Coming up soon . . . My debut "Ask-the-Career-Coach" column for The Glass Hammer, a terrific online community for professional women. Email me with a burning career question you want me to answer.

IN PERSON
I'm preparing to launch "Flying Solo," a coaching group for women entrepreneurs that I'll be hosting in my own comfy living room. Click here for details. (Very limited seating.)
Also, I'll be traveling to Oklahoma City and Killeen to speak about the unwritten rules that can sabotage a woman's career.

ON THE RADIO
You can hear my conversation with Kristin Lovett-Sims, host of "Financial Success for Today's Woman," about the agony and the ecstasy of claiming your Do-Over! Listen here.

ON FACEBOOK
Keep up with what's happening out at my beloved Wimberley retreat. Friend me.

Photo by by Peat Bakke

4 Ways to Waste Your Time on Coaching

Coaching is a powerful tool for changing your life, whether it's a specific issue you want to address or a full-scale Do-Over! I know from my clients' feedback how effective coaching can be.

But coaching is a dialogue: a partnership. It takes two. If you're thinking about engaging a coach, you've got to commit 100% to a process that is by its nature intense, messy, and sometimes uncomfortable.

Here are four sure-fire ways to avoid commitment, sabotage results, and waste your time on coaching:

1.    Shoe-horn in the calls. Schedule our conversations right before and after other commitments, so you can avoid being fully present.

2.    Expect miracles. Unrealistic expectations take you off the hook for the quality and scope of your outcomes.

3.    Blow off your homework. Your #1 tool for self-sabotage: withhold personal investment in the process.

4.    Stay in 'Yes, But . . . ' mode. Pretend to be open, but fight to the death for those old, broken habits of thinking.

(If you DO want to commit to a coaching partnership, I'm happy to send you a copy of my new coaching brochure. Email me for a copy.)

What I Learned from Joan Rivers

If you've listened to my Do-Over! audiobook, you know I'm a sucker for gutsy, ballsy women like the ones I discovered here in Texas. Today I found another one, in Manhattan. I went to see "Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work," and just loved it. (Run, don't walk, to the theatre.) Here's what I took away from this portrait of the comic as a still-outrageous woman:

1.    Follow your obsession
Even in such an impossible industry, Joan can't ignore her call to the stage. "I have no choice," she says.

2.    Stake out your own territory
When warned by an early manager that she "didn't want to go there"--talking about the taboo subject of abortion--she counters: "That's exactly what we need to be talking about."

3.    Go where the action is
Joan's agent paints an image of her as perpetually standing out in the rain, because she knows that's where lightning strikes.

4.    Take a breath, then start over again
As soon as her play goes bust, Joan is on to the next round of projects, looking for that lightning to strike.

5.    Focus, focus, focus
Joan's focus is "maniacal," her agent says. Forget the three-year plan. She wants to know what's doing this Monday.

6.    Confront your hecklers
Joan doesn't let anyone silence or diss her.   

Further reading:
What I Learned from Arianna Huffington
What I Learned from Nancy Pelosi

4 Ways to Finance Your Do-Over!

Sooner or later, money becomes an issue in your Do-Over! planning.

While finances are an important parameter in your reinvention roadmap, they shouldn't become a limitation. I asked financial life coach Jennifer Jaime CPA to share her expertise here: How can women get clear about their finances during a life or career Do-Over!?

1.    Get in-the-know
When making a transition, it is important to look at your money. If there is fear of "the unknown" around your money, stop and listen to what your emotions are telling you. I recommend going into transition "in-the-know." Know where you are with your money, then take the leap into your new endeavor.

2.    Be proactive
Once you are in-the-know, make every effort to be proactive. If you know you need $500 more each month, make plans ahead of time to think of creative ways to make it happen.

3.    Consistency is key
Consistency is the key to winning with money. Be consistent with your money plan each month and you will reap the rewards.

4.    Keep Moving Forward
There will be times when you hit a bump in the road. You'll be dipping into the savings account time and time again. Take heart and know the road will not always be this tough. Put one foot in front of the other and keep moving forward!

Jennifer Jaime CPA is a financial coach who's passionate about helping you live out your dream life. She focuses on working your money around the life you always imagined. She won't try to sell your insurance or investments; she actually gives you objective advice for your money.

To learn more from Jennifer, sign up for her free seminar "Money & Emotions: Creating a Safe Place," being held at 6:30pm on Tuesday, June 29, at the Wimberley Community Center, 14068 Ranch Road 12.

PS--Looking for more Do-Over! advice? My audiobook can help!

Watching Ourselves Being Watched

Last week I delivered my "Top 10 Unwritten Rules That Can Sabotage a Woman's Career" speech to the Austin chapter of Women in Communications. It was such a pleasure, because the WIC membership includes a lot of my favorite people.

Responding to rule # 7 ("Women are rendered invisible until they demonstrate otherwise"), one attendee asked me: "How do you put yourself out there on social media without becoming one of 'those people'?"

Here's the answer I gave at the time:

"First, you've got to believe in what you're doing/offering, then get clear about your message. Take the risk to put your message out there, and experiment with various strategies until you develop the unique voice that fits your message and your personal style."

Since then, I've further considered that question, and I realize that I missed a really important teachable moment. Here's the answer I'd give now (if I could have a Q-and-A Do-Over!):

"That question bespeaks another important way that men and women are constructed to move through the world differently. Men take action. They don't worry about how they'll look. At least, it certainly doesn't prevent them from putting themselves out into a public arena with as much power as they can muster. Women, on the other hand, are conditioned to approach action with a 'double-consciousness.' We don't think just about what to do or say, but how it will 'look' to other people when we do or say it. To some extent, it's a wise thing to understand how we're coming across to others, but it becomes a crippling or diminishing thing when we are so concerned with 'how will I look' that we hold back from what we really think or feel. How can we let go of watching ourselves being watched?"

Do You Know When It's Time to Leave?

Sally (not her real name) attended my Do-Over! mini-retreat in mid-May. She just sent this update, which is a great reminder to all of us why it's important to step away from organizations and people who don't encourage or energize us:

"What resonated the most for me during the Do-Over mini-retreat was the concept of habitat--the environment and conditions to best support you. While exploring this more in-depth that day, I realized I needed to surround myself with peers who understood what I wanted to achieve and who were capable of supporting me intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.

I had recently attempted to network with some professional people in my field but found they "took" what energy, guidance, and volunteer hours I gave them but did not reciprocate in kind or attempt to support my fledgling business. I struggled with the disappointment of having expectations of people who proved to be incapable of this support and exchange. I found myself almost paralyzed by it. Thus, the main goal I had for the retreat was to get me "unstuck."

Let me tell you what happened the very next day after attending the retreat. I received an e-mail announcement sent to the 600 members of the professional group in which I had been involved. It was a poorly worded litany of excuses as to why they were postponing the annual gala and other events. It confirmed to me I needed to move on from this entire group."

As soon as Sally made that decision, she met Karen, a fellow businesswoman who was aligned with and excited by Sally's enterprise.

"That was four weeks ago.  I am now on Karen's board of directors and have started lining up grant money for her.  Our businesses should complement each other well.  I have scheduled a meeting of my foundation's board of directors with renewed motivation and clearer direction."

Thanks, Sally, for sharing your story. It's a vivid reminder that an important part of reinventing our life is clearing out the deadwood. Sometimes that's a challenge, because the deadwood is a person or group we've been attached to for a long time. Knowing when to leave is not just an essential social skill; it's a Do-Over! talent, as well.

Dealing with Do-Over! Anxiety

What we most enjoy about a Do-Over! is the excitement and exhilaration. But there's an underbelly to the experience, too. It's the anxiety that may accompany open-ended change. For some, it's a challenge to live with an unclear picture of the future. They know they're ready for a Do-Over!, but they don't know what it will be. For focused and successful women in particular, that's an unfamiliar and uncomfortable place to be.

Anxiety is a normal part of change, but it shouldn't be so overwhelming that it derails the larger Do-Over! process. Here are four strategies you can use to manage any Do-Over! anxiety you may encounter:

1.    Let go of the old. That's the only way to make room for the new. Stop rehashing, explaining, or second-guessing the past: those are really ways of holding on to the past.

2.    Start or deepen a practice. Whether it's yoga, walking, meditation, or 15 minutes of nothing a day, a practice will provide a structure for you to hold on to when there doesn't seem to be any ground underneath your feet.

3.    Pay attention to specific incidents of anxiety. Don't try to fix them, just "be-with" them. Engage them with curiosity. As you get to know what they're about, you can better figure out how to deal with them.

4.    Write it down. There is nothing like a morning journal or a bout of freewriting to cut that anxiety down to size. If nothing else, just grab a piece of scrap paper, write "What's happening?" at the top of the page, and keep the hand moving for ten minutes.

How do you manage anxiety? Add a comment to share your wisdom.

Photo by :mrMark: