May 2009 Archives

Nominate a Woman of Influence

The Austin Business Journal needs your help to choose this year's top 25 women of influence for its 15th annual "Profiles in Power" conference, to be held on July 24 at the Renaissance Austin Hotel.

ABJ is looking for women in Central Texas who have forged their own path and developed their own leadership principles. These women have something to offer the next generation of women leaders. They have made a difference in their communities, blazed new trails, and are leaving a mark on the Central Texas business.

Here's your opportunity to publicly honor the women you privately admire. You can nominate a working woman of distinction in any of six categories:

• entrepreneur
• industry standout
• Central Texas standout
• inspiration/influencer
• leading the charge
• nonprofit/government leadership

Submit your nomination online. The deadline is Friday, June 12.

According to a recent survey by Frigidaire, moms get less than one full day of free time each month. No surprise.

What gives pause is the effect that so much housework and childcare has on the quality of actual human relationships--with both kids and partner:

• Only 17% of moms said they spend their free time with their partners
• Moms spend 17 hours each month taking care of pets and only 3 hours more each month talking with their partners
• Moms would rather do "nothing" over "getting steamy" with their partners
• Moms average 36 hours a month getting their kids ready for school or bath time, but they spend only 29 hours a month on quality time with their kids

What matters most? Family, or family management?

Photo by laffy4k

At Work: What's a Woman to Wear?

Two stories and a moral.

First story.

The National Law Journal recently reported on a bar association panel of judges lamenting the dress of lawyers: "Federal Judges Grouse about Attorneys' Courtroom Attire." After U.S. District Court Judge Joan Lefkow mentioned that she thought some women attorneys should pay more attention to dressing appropriately for court, a fellow male judge panelist described women attorneys who wear "skirts so short that there's no way they can sit down and blouses so short there's no way the judges wouldn't look." Speaking from the audience, another male judge said that sometimes he wishes he could tell the female lawyer standing before him: "I'd really like to pay attention to your argument."

Second story.

Several years ago a young lawyer found herself repeatedly and inexplicably unsuccessful with a particular judge in administrative matters. She shared this with an older colleague, who suggested that she wear a modest skirt instead of the usual pantsuit. She tried it, and it worked. Her appearances in front of that judge are now a slam-dunk.

The moral of the two stories is:

Don't ask: "What shall I wear?"

Instead, ask: "What impression do I want to make and what result do I want to achieve?

(Read more do's and don'ts for professional women.)

This is how I see it.

Culturally, the biggest obstacle to gender equality in the workplace is childcare. As long as rearing children remains by default "women's work," the structure and attitudes of the workplace will always favor men.

I don't look to corporations or government to provide childcare. I look to couples to privately negotiate fair and equitable childcare agreements.

If both mom and dad have jobs, why is it mom who's expected to look after a sick kid? Why is it mom's unspoken responsibility to run the carpool? Why is cooking and cleaning only on mom's to-do list?

Sadly, statistics show that married women still do 2.1 hrs of childcare for every one hour contributed by married men.

One of the unintended consequences of the recession may just change all that.

In yesterday's Wall Street Journal, Sue Shellenbarger reports on "Extreme Child-Care Maneuvers." She tells the stories of couples who have been forced by economic necessity to fully optimize their childcare strategies, using both mom and dad as fully engaged parents.

What a concept.

I wonder: Why is it that when mom is juggling work-and-kids, it's standard procedure, but when mom and dad juggle work-and-kids, it's "extreme"?

In any case, when the time comes that the men in the office are rushing out to the nurse's office as frequently as the women, then the workplace will become more flexible for everyone. When men take paternity leave as often as women take maternity leaves, then time taken off for babies will not be viewed as suspect. When men commit to childcare as deeply as women do, then professionals who request temporary part-time reassignment will not be branded as lacking loyalty or the "right stuff" for promotion.

No matter the specific tactics of the couples profiled in the WSJ, they all share three things:

1. an explicit, spoken agreement to fully share childcare
2. an overall plan/strategy
   
3. a ongoing system for negotiating who-does-what
   

If every couple dealt with childcare with such enlightened forethought, we might be able to leave our daughters a workplace where they have equal access to success.

Photo by KellyB.

Do's and Don'ts for Professional Women

I spent an exciting day last week in the Houston Hilton ballroom packed full of ambitious, successful women. What a blast! The Women's Forum, hosted by the law firm Greenberg Traurig LLP, included the firm's own lawyers as well as client counsel and execs.

It was a day of global thinking and networking as we discussed some of the issues women face in our business, community, and personal lives. The hot topics included work life balance, the glass ceiling, community, ethics, and health. Yeah, we've come a long way, but there's apparently a long way to go.

Here are the day's best takeaways:

Do reflect on your basic strategy. Do you want it to be "How do I fit life around work?" or "What kind of work will I choose to fit in with my personal life?"

Don't forget: personal commitments are commitments, too.

Do schedule your personal time. Otherwise, it won't happen.

Don't get hung up about leaving the office for personal reasons. The guys don't. As one attendee was told by a male colleague: "My hair grows on the job, and it will get cut on the job."

Do consider outsourcing what's inconvenient, unmanageable, or low priority. Personally picking up your dry cleaning is not a badge of honor.

Don't overlook workplace culture. Resistance to women doesn't occur so much at the individual level anymore, but rather at the level of structure and custom. Proceed strategically.

Do say 'No.' It's okay to draw boundaries, even with children and parents, when you need time to yourself. Otherwise you'll find yourself spending inordinate time reading magazines in the bathroom.

Don't get sucked into a 24/7 work schedule if you're single. Just because you don't have a family doesn't mean you don't have a life.

Do tell your kids how much you love your work. It's a teachable moment about the nature of work and women.

Don't forget to cultivate a support network. The 21st century requires a team approach.

Do make a virtue out of necessity. One panelist has a standing 9pm phone meeting, so she leaves early that day to teach her daughter's CCD class. "And I march out of the office," she added. "I don't sneak out."

Don't get mired in the to-do list. Pull back to the 30,000-foot view and ask, 'Why?' One panelist was bold enough to question why homemade baked goods were required for every school event, and she met with overwhelming agreement. No more brownies to bake, and the kids return home calm.

Do remember that saying 'No' on the job is a behavior you learn, not a right you earn. Ask yourself: What are my choices? What are the consequences of those choices? Am I willing to live with those consequences?

Don't wait for permission.

Tell me, what are *your* favorite Do's and Don'ts?

Are You Micromanaging Yourself?

Steven DeMaio posed this question in his "I Quit -- Now What" blog. It resonated with me, especially after the mini-retreat I held on Saturday.

There we were, a bunch of overachieving women struggling to cross off even a few of the items we listed as our routine activities and commitments. I had to laugh when one women talked about teaching her husband how to fold towels. I tried that once myself, but I'm older and hopefully wiser now. I'm lucky to have a husband who does occasionally fold the towels, however offensive the results may be to my sense of order and aesthetics.

As DeMaio points out, micromanaging has its place. When stuff absolutely, positively has to be done, there's no better strategy.

But in most cases, we're micromanaging out of habit. And maybe a wee sense of over-control. That's where DeMaio's point # 1 comes into play: Don't lose sight of the big picture.

The point of folding towels is to prepare them for their next use and store them conveniently. That's it. If they're lumpy, it doesn't matter.

So when you find yourself overwhelmed with the little stuff, take a breath and consider the big picture. Do you need to control this activity? How much does it really matter? From the 50,000 foot view, how much difference does this make to the health and happiness of you and your family?

Photo by Frenkieb