July 2009 Archives

Pause for Breath

Need to come back to center in the midst of a busy day? Check out this amazing visual blog, "Pause for Breath." The anonymous authors describe their work as:

soul portraits : visual sonnets : unspoken words : catching moments : mingling : in silent trust : between hearts : within the stillness

the beauty of life, unveiled

this is about the dripping language of photography, desolate spaces and that long held breath

(Thanks to "idea gal" Beth Schrader for finding this jewel. I'm going to sleuth more about the bloggers, but I'm too excited to wait to share this . . . )

How powerful are you?

The Austin Business Journal has named this year's Women of Influence for Central Texas, so I thought I'd ask a few of the 25 Profiles in Power winners about their "secret sauce."
 
KERRI QUNELL (at left)
Vice President, Communications, Capital Area Food Bank of Texas

How do you define power?
Power is the capacity to have impact. If you have no power, your engine doesn't go. There's no light. You can't be effective. I try to direct mine for good. As a good mentor, good mentee, and good example. My passion is mentoring young girls, helping them discover their amazing potential: their light.

What is the most important lesson you have learned?
To offer something in return whenever I make an "ask." And to then find many ways to say "thank you" -- not just with words, but also with actions.

What do you wish you had known/learned much earlier in life?
To fully listen before -- or without -- giving my thought or opinion. And to speak Spanish. I only use the six years of German I took in high school and college when ordering a meal in Fredericksburg.

STUART VICK SMITH
Partner, Maxwell Locke & Ritter LLP

How do you define power?
I view a powerful woman as a hard worker, an expert in her field, a connector, and willing to give back to her community. A woman in "power" mentors other women and gives them the opportunity to learn and grow from her experiences.
 
What is the most important lesson you have learned?
Start small. You can be a leader in any situation. Each step you take builds on experiences and adds to your resume. You do not have to be on the board the first time you decide to volunteer for a nonprofit. You do not have to be the leader of a project to be a key player. Make each role matter and put everything into it. As your experiences grow, so will the role you play.
 
What do you wish you would have known/learned earlier in your life?
I wish I would have had more confidence earlier in my career. I have been lucky and have always worked for individuals who believed in me and gave me the opportunity to grow. Still, I was a little afraid to put myself out there and get out of my comfort zone. I think that is typical of women early in their careers. I would recommend jumping in and not being afraid of someone saying "no."  Chances are, that will happen very rarely.

REBECCA POWERS
President, Impact Austin

How do you define power?
Getting others to follow you when they have the freedom not to. 
 
What is the most important lesson you have learned?
Humility trumps everything. 
 
What do you wish you would have known/learned earlier in your life?
Being authentic and true to one's self is infinitely more important (and satisfying!) than trying to make everyone like you.

MARNY LIFSHEN
Principal, Marny Lifshen Consulting

How do you define power?
I define power as having ability to make decisions based on what is best for you and your family, and having the experience, influence, and network to help others solve problems and reach their goals. For me, power really lies in taking what I have learned and earned and passing it on -- spreading the wealth, so to speak. Nothing feels as good as having someone tell me that I made a difference in their career or life. 

What is the most important lesson you have learned?
You have to take chances and proactively ask for opportunities in order to excel. It doesn't really matter how smart and talented you are, or how reliable and valuable you are, if you aren't actively looking for ways to showcase these abilities. You have to learn how to promote yourself effectively AND take risks by asking for what you want, rather than just putting your nose to the grindstone and hoping to get noticed.

What do you wish you would have known/learned earlier in your life?
I wish I had understood that there is rarely just ONE way to do something. I spent a lot of time agonizing over decisions and worrying over doing the right thing. I didn't know that there are usually pros and cons to each way, and that the important thing is to make the best decision you can, rather than getting paralyzed over deciding exactly how to perfectly handle something. Few decisions are truly life or death.

Tell me, how would you answer these questions? I'll share the responses.
 

Around Austin

Just wanted to catch you up on where you can find me in August--back in Austin! I hope you'll stop by to say hello!

August 15. Join me for Return to Clarity, an inspiring mini-retreat for women who want to take their success to the next level. You'll enjoy the comfy, cool, leafy green view from the living room in my historic Hyde Park home. And you'll learn how to:

• claim your own self-image
  
• find power in your personal story
  
• replace worn-out strategies
• refocus on what matters most

Jamika Pessoa: Not a Winner but Definitely a Star

I discovered "The Next Food Network Star" several Berkeley summers ago. (No cable in Austin.) I'm not a foodie, but I love to watch people perform themselves. I really enjoy watching the aspiring food hosts learn-as-they-go. It's a fun "backstage" look at how stars are born. They learn how to be more of what they already are.

Jamika Pessoa has just been sent home. But check out her exit video. She may not have won this competition, but she has irresistible presence and a rare graciousness. And she gave it her all. "You can love me and leave me," she says, "but you'll never forget me." That's living large, taking risks, holding nothing back. I count Jamika as an inspiration.

Arianna Huffington: What Women Need

I'm a big fan of Arianna Huffington. She's smart, powerful, and a visionary. She started the Huffington Post to skeptical sneers about the blog format, and now she's enjoying the last laugh . . .

Here's an excerpt from her recent interview with Forbes Woman. Click here to read the entire article.

You're a consummate multitasker. Can you give us a sense of one of your days and how you handle it all?

The key for me is unplugging and recharging--meditating, hiking, having dinner with my daughters--and then returning to my work refreshed. And, just as important, because I love my work, I don't find staying connected--including to my two BlackBerrys--stressful. I find it energizing.

You're also a great networker--do you think this is important for women? If so, why? Any advice on how they can better network?

I believe it is vitally important for women to be really supportive of each other--both inside and outside the office.

Indeed, I often talk of the need to build "fearlessness tribes," surrounding ourselves with women who will always be in our corner, always there for us whether we succeed or fail. Your tribe is there to give you honest feedback, to support you when the going gets tough, to help salve your wounds. And, just as importantly, to help you celebrate the good times.

It's also very important for older women, those of us who have gone before, to give a hand up and help the younger generation.

10 Questions: Are You Ready for Clarity?

If only clarity were as easy to achieve as pinning a cute button on your lapel. (See cute button at left). But it's not. Before you can find clarity, discover confidence, and live large, you need to cultivate some core capabilities. Ask yourself:

1.  Am I able to make difficult choices?

2.  Am I willing to put in the time?

3.  Am I prepared to do the work?

4.  Am I capable of pushing past my comfort zone?

5.  Am I open to different points of view?

6.  Am I in touch with my emotions?

7.  Am I able to let go of the past?

8.  Am I willing to let go of my ego?

9.  Am I equipped to be quiet and reflective?

10.  Am I courageous?

If you answered 'yes' at least seven times, you're rarin' to go. If you answered 'yes' four to six times, you've got a little remedial work to do before embarking on a full-fledged quest for clarity. If you answered 'yes' less than four times, you've got some substantial prep work to do.

What would you do with an extra twenty dollars??

You'll get to find out if you register for my upcoming "RETURN TO CLARITY' mini-retreat for women today.

Because July 15 is the final day to earn the $20 early registration discount.

For more details, and to sign up, click here.

Refresh Your Clarity

Mid-summer in Texas is the perfect time to take a time-out! I'm planning one for next month.

Back by popular demand, I'm reprising my "Return to Clarity" mini-retreat on Saturday, August 15.

Come refresh your spirit and return to clarity in the company of fun & fabulous women.

I'll host the half-day gathering at my historic Hyde Park home--a comfy, cool sanctuary overlooking the garden. I'm limiting registrations, to keep this one living-room-intimate.

You'll learn how to:

We'll take our clarity and confidence to the next level!


Don't lose the $20 discount. It ends this Wednesday, July 15. Click here for more details.

And would you do me a favor? Would you take a moment now to forward this to a girlfriend to help spread the word?

Letting Go, Again

Funny, the things you learn from a flood.

When last I wrote, dear reader, I was bemoaning my the flooding of my sweet, dear getaway in the Hill Country. Since then, I've been back numerous times to pack up the artwork and valuables so that the contractor can start reconstructing what the water restoration crew had been deconstructing.

Among the soggy boxes in my studio was one filled with copies of journals and magazines in which I had published two decades of scholarship and criticism. That was my former life, as a research academic, in ruins.

My first impulse was to start spreading out the periodicals along the tile floor to dry, but I immediately realized it was a lost cause. And the cost of professionally freeze-drying them was prohibitive. (Only the box of my father's letters and scrapbooks got that royal treatment.)

So I sat with the soggy box for a while and rooted through it. Then I let go of that former life all over again.

What was I going to do with these documents anyway? Nothing. I hadn't looked at them since I tucked them away for "safekeeping." Whatever significance that body of work might have, it happens out in the world in databases helping and inspiring other academics to further the research.

I found myself letting go, over all again, of that two-decade career. Three years ago I chose a do-over, and I've never had a single regret. So, onto finishing up my new audiobook. It's titled (aptly) Do-Over! How Women Are Reinventing Their Lives.

Clarity in the Midst of Chaos

I give a talk for my corporate clients called "Finding Clarity in the Midst of Chaos." A few days ago I had ample opportunity to practice what I preach.

My sweet, beautiful little getaway in Wimberley was flooded. (Word of caution: cheap plastic inlet connectors to your toilet are keeping the water restoration industry in healthy shape.)

Fortunately, we were able to get the insurance adjuster and the water restoration company to come out immediately. But that meant that everyone and everything was happening at once. There were also conversations to have with my husband, and I was desperately trying to dry out my archive of Dad's photos, letters, and documents in between long trails of paper towels circling the wraparound porch.

It was chaos.

I must say, I think I fared pretty well. (Like many people, I tend to do better in crises than in ordinary chaos. Something preternaturally calm and neutral and clear-sighted kicks in.)

Here's a few of the techniques that worked for me:

"Yes-and." Honor the other person's position and state your own position. "I understand that you're concerned about getting paid. And I'm concerned about getting overcharged."

Limit distractions. My very first mantra was "one thing at a time,"  so I was prepared for this one. When several people were asking me to do several things at once, I explicitly organized the requests. "I'm doing this now, and I'll do that next." Or, "I can't do that right now because I want to finish doing this first."

Say what you need. I couldn't focus on reading the contract (yes, my personal policy is to read all the fine print) when the crew chief was sitting next to me talking on the cell phone. "I can't concentrate on this contract while you're talking. I'm going to take this around to the other side of the house."

Ask clarifying questions. This one is easy for me. I'll ask every question I need to in order to understand the situation. And as you can imagine, understanding insurance coverage required a lot of clarifying questions. For example, "What's the difference between 'personal property' and 'manuscripts' and 'documents'?"

Email me: what are your favorite techniques for finding clarity in the midst of chaos?

Photo by shaferlens

Happy Independence Day!

As we celebrate our national birthday, I'm also thinking about personal independence days.

I've experienced three major independence days--my "Do-Over!" moments. First, when I went off to college. Second, when I got divorced. And third, when I quit my university teaching job.

But there are more subtle forms of freedom, too. For women, I think, freedom from perfectionism is as significant a milestone as any other.

The last time I visited with my mother, a few weeks before she suffered a sudden, fatal heart attack, we got down on the floor in her guest bedroom to pull out a box of linens stored under the bed. She was passing her mom's Irish linens down to me. We had such a good time together admiring each tablecloth and napkin and bedspread, some of them edged with my grandmother's embroidery.

Mom urged me to take them and use them. "Oh," I said, "they're too beautiful to actually use."

My mother's reply shocked me. She had been a clean freak for as long as I could remember. She had the entire house fully vacuumed and cleaned every day before 11am. Without fail. And she bought two of most everything, "One to show and one to blow," she used to say. The good stuff stayed safely tucked away.

But time and maybe even intimations of mortality mellowed her perfectionism, at least on my behalf. "Oh, don't save them," she said. "They're meant to be used. Use them."

When I started my coaching and speaking practice, I had to give up perfectionism pretty quickly. At first, it felt alarming. But I soon discovered liberation. A lot more possibilities opened up for me. If you can believe it, I've just recorded an audiobook! (Do-Over! How Women Are Reinventing Their Lives.)

Is the final recording a perfectly pitched voice at a perfect pace with perfect intonations? No. It's very good, but by no means perfect. But you know what? The rehearsal and recording process was a blast. I'm gonna do it again. Because my current mantra is: "Live and learn."

PS--If you're ready to give up perfectionism, come to my next "Return to Clarity" mini-retreat for women.

Photo by zoonaba