November 2009 Archives

Reading List: Writing a Woman's Life

In case you missed our last BookWisdom salon at BookWoman bookstore, here's the list of books that I recommended. Maybe it will inspire your holiday gift giving list!

Carolyn Heilbrun, Writing a Woman's Life
Isadora Duncan, My Life
Julia Child, My Life in France
May Sarton, A Journal of Solitude
Jeannie Ralston, The Unlikely Lavender Queen
Stephen King, Dolores Claiborne

In Gratitude

I hope your Thanksgiving was everything you wanted, and more! Mine certainly was: lovely, quiet, and spacious out here in the Texas Hill Country. Time to think about what I'm grateful for:

For my mother, who encouraged me to blaze my own trail.

For BookWoman bookstore (5501 N Lamar, Austin), which keeps me learning.

For my clients, who inspire and delight me.

For Oprah, who shows us how to think bigger.

For GENaustin, which helps middle-school girls value themselves.

For Hillary, who teaches us about strength and daring.

For all the women, now come and gone, who have made a difference in this world by asking, "What if?"

Tell me, what are you grateful for?

Working Couples: Exploding the Myths

Why can't we be more logical when we look at women and the value of their careers? That's the question that Sharon Meers and Joanna Strober ask in their new book, Getting to 50-50: How Working Couples Can Have It All by Sharing It All.



As Meers explains in this video from Authors@Google, the project of the book was to share information and stimulate dialogue with the aim of collectively changing "the dynamics and framing of the discussion on work and family." How, in other words, can men get "the joys of full parenthood" and women "the joys of full career"?

Getting to 50-50 is based on best research in childcare and child development, marriage, organizational behavior, psychology, as well as a survey of working couples. The final conclusion: 50-50 childcare and housework is better for kids, marriage, and both men and women.

Major takeaways from the video:

1. Men and women have more in common than they have differences when it comes to their desire for work and family.

2. There is no scientific basis for the cultural belief that men need careers more than women for psychological well-being.

3. Kids do equally well whether their mothers work or not. There is no respected research reporting female employment as harming children.

4. The swing factor for successful children (higher grades, better behavior, greater self-confidence) is an active father.

5. The most important driving element of an active father is not the father's attitude, but the mother's attitude.

6. Men's jobs don't keep them from active parenting (ie, visiting schools). Rather, what keeps them from active parenting is the shared cultural belief that, if a woman is around, it's assumed to be her job.

7. More shared housework, childcare, and breadwinning correlates with a lower divorce rate and more sex.

3 Strategies for Raising Successful Daughters

As young adults, our daughters will face a world far more competitive than ours. If we want them to succeed in an age of lingering unemployment, corporate retrenchment, and tight credit, we need to offer them more than support and encouragement. We need to help them acquire the power of self-efficacy: the belief that they are capable of handling whatever comes along.

At the Girls Now! conference sponsored by Girls Empowerment Network last weekend, I urged parents to be more than cheerleaders or helicopters. I urged them to consider these three strategies for raising successful daughters:

1.  Recognize your daughter's mastery of skills/knowledge and encourage others to do the same
     because girls need recognition in order to embrace their ambition
     (Resource: "Necessary Dreams: Ambition in Women's Changing Lives" by Anna Fels)

2.  Supply her with experiences that challenge gender stereotypes
     because gender stereotypes are created by environment, not biology
     (Resource: "Pink Brain, Blue Brain" by Lise Eliot)

3.  Encourage her father (or father figure) to increase his parental involvement
     because the decisive factor for successful children is an actively participating father
     (Resource: "Getting to 50-50" by Sharon Meers and Joanna Strober)

Tell me, what strategies have worked for you?

How Do You Rate as a Leader?

Researchers at Insead's Global Executive Leadership Centre have developed a 360-degree feedback tool to identify significant dimensions of exemplary global business leadership. Here are the criteria they've developed to measure leadership:

• Envisioning
• Empowering
• Energizing
• Designing & Aligning
• Rewarding & Feedback
• Team Building
• Outside Orientation
• Global Mind-Set
• Tenacity
• Emotional Intelligence
• Life Balance
• Resilience to Stress

How do you rate?

'Unwritten Rules': The Shock of Recognition

I've heard from a lot of you about my recent blogpost, "Top 10 Unwritten Rules That Could Sabotage Your Career." In addition, there were a lot of comments when ForbesWoman re-posted the essay. Both women and men have registered the shock of recognition.

Here's a response from Tami Bone, an amazing Austin-based photographer ("ordinary beauty, extraordinary humanity") who took the portrait for my upcoming audiobook:

"I have to tell you about something I realized when my oldest son was playing ice hockey in the eighth grade. The coach would have 'chalk talks' with the players between games during tournaments, and parents were invited to sit in the back of the room. I would sit and listen, and this is when I first realized the huge advantage that boys have from playing team sports. It was almost an epiphany.

I remember sitting in the room, watching this coach draw all over a blackboard, going over strategy after strategy. I had never seen such a thing, and I suddenly understood the connection between sports and the business world.

I know that girls now play many sports, but when I was growing up, it was less common. Never in any dance, piano, drill team or a cappella choir class did I ever receive such instruction.

I'm not sure that I can quite articulate the revelation, but when reading your #6 ('Men are bred for self-confidence'), I thought, 'So VERY true!'"

Photo by rubyswoon

Finding Focus in Uncertain Times

Now more than ever, you can't afford to let your clarity and productivity suffer. We're all feeling distracted by the stalled economy, whether it's our IRA, our loved ones' jobs, or our kids' college funds. But successful business people know how to keep focused on what matters most, despite the chaos and uncertainty.

Join me for a breakfast seminar on Thursday, November 19, when I'll share my Top-10 strategies for keeping your competitive edge. Our host will be the Austin Business Journal.

The Return of the Do-Over!

After writing my first blogpost for more.com ("Top 10 Hidden Rules That Can Sabotage Your Career"), I am feeling like the lawyer at the end of the holiday movie "Miracle on 34th Street." In this final, "aha," moment, he realizes that, since the kindly old man with the white beard actually was Santa Claus, his success proving so in court wasn't such an amazing feat after all.

Similarly, I'm reconsidering the magnitude of my life reinvention. In the past several years, quitting my tenured university professorship to become a coach seemed like a big deal. Now, after writing that more.com post, I'm thinking, my reinvention wasn't such an amazing feat after all.

What I've realized is that, although my title (coach) and industry (professional development) have changed, the core of what I do and believe has not. In fact, the no-holds-barred feminism of that blogpost returns me to my roots, as a feminist commentator. As early as high school, I was competing in original oratory with a speech about the gender rituals I observed as an exchange student in Brazil.

Have I undergone a reinvention, or a return?

I like that. I like thinking about what I call my Do-Over! as a way of delving deeper into my native self, rather than as an abrupt departure to foreign shores. Even when I was a professor, I was as much devoted to helping young women develop their voices as I was to the subject matter. As a coach, I continue that devotion, just in a different context.

So if the prospect of a "reinvention" feels a bit too risky to you, think about that "re" prefix. Your Do-Over! isn't only an amazing feat. It's also a return to the soul.