December 2009 Archives

Learning from 2009 Do-Overs!

Before we launch headlong into 2010, let's take a moment to reflect on 2009. No sense in re-inventing the wheel, I always say, so it's worth a few moments to groove the lessons learned this year to clear the way for the inevitable new ones coming our way next year. Here's what I suggest:

First, ask: If I could take a Do-Over! on anything this year, what would it be?

Then, ask: What did I learn from this imaginary Do-Over!?

Here's a sampling of the Do-Over! wisdom my girlfriends shared:

"When writing emotionally charged emails, wait a day before pressing the "Send" button."

"Don't react to a situation. Instead, keep your mouth shut until you have time to think. I lost one of my best friends this year over a misunderstanding."

"I wish I could do-over the way I reacted to a conflict within a group of my friends. I wish I had been more honest, with myself especially, about how the conflict affected me. I acted 'fair' when I was totally pissed off. I tried to be a friend to both sides and it felt increasingly slippery and gross."

Power in Planning

In these few days between Christmas and New Year's, we look back and we look ahead. We aspire, we fantasize, we plan.

Austin-based artist Megan VanGroll writes an eloquent blogpost on the trials and tribulations of planning: "Mapping 2010: The Art of Setting Goals without Self-Loathing."

Megan does a terrific job chronicling the difficulties and disappointments of over-planning and the trial-and-error process of getting to know ourselves and our best style of planning. For goal-setting is not a cookie-cutter process. It is as unique to each of us as our fingerprint. Like most things, you just gotta do more of it to get better at it.

So, before you plunge into New Year's goals or metrics or resolutions, take the time to reflect on your past track record. Take pen to paper for a few minutes to consider what works best for you, and what doesn't. And don't let yourself off the hook because something was too hard. The question is: what are the strategies that help you optimize your own individual rhythms and intentions? For Megan, she finds it more useful to focus on how much time she spends painting rather than on how quickly she finishes the paintings. Brava!

Such a young woman and so wise: "Achieving the life you want to live will not happen by accident, and the process of mapping out what that means should feel personal and empowering."

Feeling Grinch-y?

I received this note today from a terrific, talented woman. It's such an inspiration, I just had to share it:

Dear Ann,

I found myself getting cranked up yesterday about what was NOT done for the holidays. I've been battling a sinus infection and cold for nearly three weeks. I've been to the doctor twice and taken two rounds of antibiotics, two rounds of antihistamines, and finally a steroid shot. While much better, I'm still not 100%. Combine that with year-end hustle and bustle at home and at work: I've been ready to embark on a major pity party.

Having read your sweet eletter this week ("Joy!"), I found myself thinking about what memory I really wanted to make for my family this year. And that became my focus. Instead of thinking about what wasn't done and wouldn't get done, I focused on what I could do. My mood lightened exponentially, I found a bit of a spring in my step, and I turned the Grinch corner.

The doctor gave me some new meds, which seem to be working much better, I assigned tasks to my family, got the maid in to touch up the house a bit, and lo and behold, I think we're going to have a good family memory this year. We're cooking together, baking together, and focusing on our time, taking photos, enjoying a glass of wine, and appreciating each other.

Your advice was so well-timed and so easy for me to focus on, that I wanted to share this with you. The concept of focusing on what I really wanted us to have as the take-away from this Christmas and NOT on all the to-do's, was the sweet nugget for me. Thank you, Ann, for helping me to gain clarity. My hope for you is that you can find the same sweetness this week.

Merry Christmas, Ann!
[Mary]

photo by Mykl Roventine

Want to Breathe Easier? Look Up.

Sarah Beckham,  Life Guide columnist at the Austin American-Statesman, was kind enough to include me in her year-end round-up of life and work coaches. Sarah's article gathers together a half-dozen or so great tips on making your life "easier, richer, more productive or in any way better."

Here's what I offered:

As a solopreneur with another book about to be released, I had to do something this year about feeling constantly overwhelmed. So I decided to look up from my desk. What I mean is that I shifted my attention from the tactical details to the big-picture strategy. I stopped obsessing about every item on the endless "to-do" list and started focusing on my top-three strategies. It may be a good -- or even great -- idea, but if it doesn't advance one of those three strategies, it doesn't make it onto the to-do list. I can breathe again!

Click here to read the full article.

At 50, a Pilates Do-Over!

How did it happen, that I'm the oldest one in the studio?

Truth be told, it's always been that way in pilates class. I began in what I fondly called the "remedial" class in my theatre and dance department when I was still teaching at the university, so I was lying on the floor in the midst of 18-year-old college kids. It was easy enough to ignore their strong, lithe, fluid bodies when I was desperate to locate my transverse abdominis, let alone contract it.

Now I take pilates classes with grownups, and, still, I'm the oldest one working the reformer. I'm about to turn 50, so the fact has become starker in the past few weeks. I'm hyper-conscious that I'm stiffer, and weaker, and certainly less eager than the others. On occasion, I do think unkind thoughts about the perky one in the baseball cap who's so gung-go about the glutes series.

I try to think of this as an excellent opportunity to step away from my ego: "I'll do what's best for my body . . . It's not a competition . . . Damned, that perky one is still annoying . . . Oops . . . Exhale . . . Pull down those lats . . . And exhale . . ."

Actually, I have achieved a bit more zen about the erratic performance of my body. I learned from my teacher, a former ballerina, that each class--whether it's ballet or pilates--is a clean slate. One day you're kicking it, and the next you're dragging butt halfway through. That's just the way it is. You work with it.

In other words, each class is a theoretical Do-Over! It's a chance to start fresh, with renewed purpose and focus. At least, that's the way I'm going to think about it from now on. Alas, I didn't meet my goal to sit in a side-split on my 50th birthday. Maybe on my 60th.

Photo by by Betsssssy