January 2010 Archives

My Do-Over! Sign from the Universe

I didn't need a sign from the universe to confirm my Do-Over! I knew in my bones it was the right decision. But I got one anyway.

It came my last year in academia. I intended to resign in May, after 17 years on faculty. Early that fall, a young man showed up in my class wearing only his skivvies. And I do mean, only his skivvies.

I politely asked him to go get dressed and return, but he refused. "I paid for this class," he replied, settling into his seat. I spent a few more moments trying to persuade him and quickly realized that this must be what it's like trying to reason with a two-year-old. Impossible.

I didn't think of any of the strategies the Monday-morning quarterbacks later suggested: to summon the campus police, or tell the other students to handle the situation. Instead, I took a few minutes to gather myself, and gave a kick-ass lecture. I wasn't going to let him cheat the entire class out of their day's education.

Sometimes the world makes our Do-Over! easy to embrace. A partner cheats, or a boss gives the promotion to someone else. Or a boy shows up in his tighty-whiteys

(PS: My new audiobook makes its debut this Monday. Do-Over! How Women Are Reinventing Their Lives. It's filled with more Do-Over! stories.)

Yolanda Sangweni, the "Career Fridays" columnist at essence.com, interviewed me for today's column.

In "How to Stand Out in the Workplace," I outline a half-dozen strategies you can use to boost your visibility, your value, and your confidence. Click here to read my advice!

(More career coaching: "Top 10 Unwritten Rules That Could Sabotage Your Career")

That Darned "Woman Problem"

One of my smart, successful lawyer friends forwarded me a recent report from Above the Law: A Legal Tabloid. An uber-articulate big-law partner, all she could manage to write: "absolutely incredible!" It seems that the New York State Bar Association was offering a double-header of conference panels to help women lawyers fix their problems. (Well, they offered as much as help as they could, since apparently the fundamental problem is: you're a woman!) In brief:

Panel I:
THEIR POINT OF VIEW: TIPS FROM THE OTHER SIDE
A distinguished panel of gentlemen from the legal field will discuss the strengths and weaknesses of women in the areas of . . .

Panel II:
WHAT'S OUR PROBLEM: CURRENT ISSUES FACING WOMEN

Oh, but wait! You haven't read nuthin' yet. If you want to know what men really think of women, read the comments. Warning: some are highly offensive.

What Would Julia Do?

I've been mumbling this mantra lately, and today I came across the perfect greeting card to share the sentiment. It's produced by Cara Scissoria, out of Los Angeles. Artist Catherine McNight has designed a really smart and fun collection of collages that offer a twist on iconic images, many of them political. (You can buy the Julia Child card online at a reasonable $3 each, and no shipping charge!)

I recently published an essay on "Julia Child's Devotional Life" in my monthly "Get Clear" eletter. If you missed it, click here. If you're not already a subscriber, make sure to sign up for the free eletter--that's where I post my longer pieces.

Last Chance for Houston Mini-Retreat


If you haven't already heard, I'm holding a "Return to Clarity" mini-retreat for professional women next weekend, in Houston. Just wanted to let you know that registration closes on Monday, Jan. 25, if you're wanting to attend. I'd love to have you join us!

RETURN TO CLARITY
mini-retreat for professional women

Take your success to the next level:

• embrace ambition
• take back your 'mirror'
• replace outworn strategies
• control your time
• refocus on what matters most

several seats still available!
CLICK HERE TO REGISTER

Saturday, January 30
10am to 1pm
Houston, Texas
$149. per person

Details and registration:
http://www.anndaly.com/workshops

sponsored by the Houston Association of Women Attorneys

Zen Advice from Working Mother magazine

Working Mother editor-in-chief Suzanne Riss tells a fun and instructive story in her column this month:

After a particularly exhausting battle to get her five-year-old son to dress appropriately, Riss overhears a woman on the morning train talking about "Zen parenting." She considers the commuter guru's instructions: "Try to see what's going on through the child's eyes."

The next morning Riss gave it a shot, listening intently to what her son had to say about super-hero T-shirts and boring pants. The conversation may have been circuitous, but it was civilized. Even her son acknowledged success: "I didn't yell."

Here's the lesson Riss draws, and it's one we can all use, whether we're tussling with kids, partners, or colleagues:

"I've found out it's hard to truly listen when I'm thinking about what I have to get done and what I wish I'd gotten done yesterday. Multitasking is clearly antithetical to being Zen. So this New Year's, I'm taking a vow to be completely present in the moment."

Ask Not "What Are You Doing?"

I'm suspicious of people who like to tell everyone how "busy" they are. And I'm uncomfortable with those who are constantly moving and doing. (This is my husband's existential challenge to me. In our decade together, I think he's become less fidgety and I've become more tolerant. Or at least I know when to leave the room.)

Instead, I admire those people who can float through the morass with grace and poise. Or weather the chaos with both feet planted sensuously in the rich earth. That's something that attracted me to modern dancer Isadora Duncan, the subject of my first book. Strong at the center, light at the edges. That's how she comported herself. She never, ever hurried.

Remember those TV commercials? I think they were TV commercials, for an anti-perspirant. "Never let them see you sweat."

The other day I heard this poem by Oscar Wilde read on ABC Radio National, Australia's public radio. (We're visiting Ross's rellies in Sydney.) Wilde was another turn-of-the-twentieth-century artist who moved calmly through tempestuous tides with exemplary self-possession and style. Here's what he says about doing nothing:

Action is the refuge of people who have nothing whatsoever to do.
Its basis is the lack of imagination.
It is the last resource of those who know not how to dream.
Action is limited and relative.
Unlimited and absolute is the vision of him who sits at ease and watches,
Who walks in loneliness and dreams.
So completely are people dominated by the tyranny of this dreadful social ideal
That they are always coming shamelessly up to one at private views and other places that are open to the general public and saying, in a loud, stentorian voice,
"What are you doing?"
Whereas, "What are you thinking?" is the only question that any civilized being should ever be allowed to whisper to another.
Contemplation is the gravest sin of which any citizen can be guilty.
In the opinion of the highest culture it is the proper occupation of man.
Let me say to you now that to do nothing at all is the most difficult thing in the world.
The most difficult and the most intellectual.
It is to do nothing that the elect exist.
The contemplative life--the life that has for its aim not doing but being--
Not being merely but becoming--
This is what the critical spirit can give us.
The gods live thus.
-- Oscar Wilde, 1890

Who You Calling 'Ma'am'?

"Is anyone using this chair, ma'am?"

He was a tall, lanky young man, one of several about to sit down, as I had, to eat a quick pizza before heading to the gate for boarding. He was making sure that his buddy would have a seat at their table, and he was paying respect to his elder.

Twenty years ago, when I arrived in Austin to teach at the university, I was, by criteria both objective and subjective, still a young woman. More significantly, I was a Yankee, where we didn't traffic in the politesse of "sir," or "ma'am." When I was so addressed, I bristled. Not just at the advanced age it implied, but also at the social conservatism I inferred from its formality.

Back then I'd request not to be addressed that way, or suggest that it wasn't necessary. Of course, this confused and sometimes even panicked the students. I was told once by a friend that it wasn't fair to mess with their golden rules.

But in the airport pizza parlor, I relented. Something inside unexpectedly slackened, and I offered no resistance. I'm 50, how else is a proper young Texan gentleman going to address me? I have more significant causes to invest in now.

Besides, it's good training for when we'll all be hearing the reporters preface their questions with "Madame President . . . "

Not a New Year's Resolution

Personally, I'm done with resolutions. They're just more line items to add to the to-do list. Instead, I choose an intentional theme/image to guide me through each year. Last year, it was "Momentum."

This year, it's "Flow."

I see myself fluid in mind and body, assuming a posture both mental and physical that will carry me gracefully through the world. (This is the year I will unlock those hip flexors!)

And speaking of flow, our Hill Country creek is flowing again after the fall rains. As you can see in this video, the creek reminds me how to navigate the dips and curves and rocky patches of life with ease and strength.

Click here to watch the video.

Tell me, any one else working with themes/images? What are they?

PS -- Did you know I also write longer essays in my "Get Clear" eletter? Click here to sign up for free!