True story.
A woman, let's call her Teresa, is assigned to organize some transportation for her group at work. She does a terrific job. A co-worker -- a man -- tells her: "What a great team mom you are!"
Why, Teresa wonders, was the man who undertook the same assignment before her congratulated as a "great manager," while she is seen as a "team mom"?
The $64,000 question.
If nothing else, Hillary Clinton's run for president has illustrated the double-bind that women still suffer in the 21st century. Whatever you do, don't cry. And you best not admit to any ambition, either. Somehow you better figure out how to walk the line between what's too girly and what's not girly enough.
"Woman" is still a kind of cultural blank screen where men project their fantasies and hangups about dear old mom.
Step out too far into the public sphere, at work or in politics, and you may be put right back in your place, in the domain of the domestic, a "team mom." All to remind you that it's a man's world.
So what's a girl to do?
- Be prepared to take a firm position without getting personal or emotional. (This does take practice.)
- Name the behavior in a neutral way. For example, "That sounds like a back-handed compliment."
- Ask for clarification. "Did you mean to imply that [fill in the blank]"?
- Cut him to the quick with humor. Think Ann Richards.
- If all else fails, consider the advice that Kathy Bates receives in the title role of "Dolores Claiborne": "Sometimes you have to be a high-riding bitch to survive. Sometimes being a bitch is all a woman has to hang on to."
